my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
