The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
