I accidentally had phone sex last night
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
