Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
