I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
