okay pat passed out under dana's car
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
