If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
The power of my boobs compel you
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize