apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
