i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
