Buhtt sex?
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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