I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
