Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
