What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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