do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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