just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
