And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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