Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
