thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
