We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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