420 ftw
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
