sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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