Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
