just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize