Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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