So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Randomize
