dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Randomize
