I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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