at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize