i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
