ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
