I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
