i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
