girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
