Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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