Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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