Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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