The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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