Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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