the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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