She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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