Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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