The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
