I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
