i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
