Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Success! We fucked roommates!
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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