It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
