So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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