I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
