Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
