my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
