There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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