this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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