T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
