WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
