remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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