Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
