My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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