apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
