I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
