we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
