One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
