if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
