Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
