so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
honey bunches of taint.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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