There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
