I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
