you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
