You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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