Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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