We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
