Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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