Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
