dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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