Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
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