I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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