She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
areolas are like halos for boobs.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
