About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Sext me about skeletons
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
