it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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