giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
