The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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