4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
