Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Randomize
