On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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