Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
