Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I don't deserve a penis
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
